The ways of pain
by flojotopia
Summary: Merlin's been feeling emotional pain like no other, and believes that no one can help him out of this depression.  But, can he find comfort in Arthur, the Drama teacher's assistant?  Even if it IS the most unlikely combination.
1. Discovery

I stared down at the angry red scratches on my wrist, before catching sight of my best friend, Gwen. I quickly pulled down the sleeve of my black school jumper, wincing as the thick wool dragged over the delicate skin.

'What was that?' She was closer than I thought.

'What was what?' I tried to act innocent; it normally worked. People always thought I was innocent. I was too happy to be in any sort of emotional pain. The scratches were just their imagination. Unfortunately, Gwen wasn't buying any of it.

'Give me your wrist.' She said, gentler than her voice had ever been before.

Cockily, I held out my right wrist; the one without the marks of pain and self hate. But, Gwen caught my bluff. She snatched the other one quickly, but realised she'd been too rough when she saw my grimace.

'Sorry, Merlin,' she apologised sincerely before slowly rolling up the black jumper's sleeve that had hid my burden for so long. 'Oh, Merlin!' she gasped, running a thumb along the long red marks before noticing I was trying not to cry out in pain. 'How long?' She asked tentatively.

'3 months,' I didn't look her in the eyes. I didn't want her pity, her sympathy. I wanted to go home and grab that razor blade and drag it across my skin in a punishment for being so utterly stupid and letting her see how I dealt with the burden of being different. Depressed. Dead inside.

Swiftly, Gwen grabbed the non-injured wrist and dragged me over to Arthur, our Drama teacher's assistant. But, of course, Ms. LeFray was off helping another group prepare for the impending GCSE exam. So, I found myself standing awkwardly in front of him, with Gwen keeping me stationed with a firm grip.

'Arthur, I need you to sign Merlin's diary.' I hadn't even seen her pull it out of my bag, and glared at her when I realised that's the only way she could've gotten it. She smiled sheepishly, before Arthur asked why. That's when I realised Gwen was going to tell Arthur everything she knew about my self-harming.

'Don't' I growled. 'Don't you dare'

'Why not Merlin? Why shouldn't people know? Why shouldn't-?'

'Because they can't!' I cut her off, catching a group's attention working adjacent to us, but I didn't care. 'Because I don't want people's sympathy, those pitying looks! This is my burden to carry and my burden alone! No one was ever meant to know, especially not you!'

Gwen gasped, I knew I'd hurt her, but I didn't care anymore.

'How can you say that? You're cutting yourself and you don't seem to want help.'

'I am not cutting myself!' I sneered. 'I have simply been dragging a blade across my skin to relieve the emotional pain.'

'Will someone please tell me what's going on!' Arthur looked exasperated.

Without any warning, Gwen switched her grip from my right wrist to my left and shoved the rough fabric up my arm. Everyone gasped; everyone except Arthur. He simply rubbed his own wrists, as though imagining the pain I was going through. Except he couldn't. No one could. Not even I understood why I was compelled to punish myself.

'Gwen,' Arthur sighed gently, 'I'll take Merlin to the health office. You can work on your Drama piece.'

I was shaking now. I'd never shouted at Gwen before, and I'd most certainly never done so in front of a teacher. But, here I was, lower than I'd ever stooped before, and I found myself longing for that blade.

I felt a comforting arm wrap firmly around my shoulders and escort me out of the door. It was only until I felt the cold November wind whip my short black hair around that I realised we'd passed the nurse, and we were now sitting on a bench in the expansive courtyard of Camelot High School.

'What do you want?' My voice was harsh. A lot harsher than I'd intended, anyway.

'I want to talk to you. You need someone to talk to.'

'What do you know?' I snapped, suddenly exhausted.

'I know a lot more than you think,' the blond smiled sadly. He then rolled up the sleeve of his own plaid jumper, probably from some posh store I'd never even heard of, and revealed thin white scars striping his tanned wrist.

I gasped, 'They're beautiful.'

'No,' he looked a little shocked, but then a shadow crossed his face as he saw I truly believed it. 'No, they're not. They stare at me with bright blinding whiteness. Threatening me to open the wounds again. But I won't. I hurt too many people, and I won't do it again.'

'I don't understand.' I was finally breaking down. 'I've been through depression before, and it was nothing like this. Before, I was happy then angry, manic, ecstatic, and then happy again, all within the same day. But, now…now, it's like there's no feeling. I'm just a ghost, walking around, living everyday life, with no feeling whatsoever. Not even my own mother sees what's wrong. I smile, but it's fake. And I don't know why. I have every reason to be happy, so why aren't I? I have every reason to be sad, so why don't I cry? I just hurt and hurt and hurt.' I was crying now, though; I don't know when I'd started, but now I couldn't stop.

'I know,' Arthur looked into my eyes with his intense blue ones. 'You feel like no one cares. No one loves you. Because if they did, they'd notice that you weren't alive. Not really. But, at the same time, you dread to think what would happen if someone found out. Because then where would you be? You'd be the centre of everyone's faux pity and love. Now,' Arthur sighed as he saw me looking at him in pure awe, 'let's get you cleaned up.'

He took me to the boy's toilets and wiped my tearstained cheeks. He then wet the paper towel and softly soothed my flaring red skin. He was gentle and sweet, and I wanted nothing more but to have those tanned, muscular arms wrap me in an embrace. And then, they did. He hugged me and rested his sturdy chin on my raven hair, stoking it gently.

'Don't ever be afraid of talking to me,' he whispered eventually. 'I expect by tomorrow you'll be receiving that faux love and pity. But don't worry. I will stand beside you, not physically per se, but emotionally and mentally for as long as you need.'

'Even if it means forever?'

'Even if it means forever.'

When I finally got my act together and looked a lot less ragged and distressed, I shakily made my way back to the Drama studio, Arthur close behind. I could tell immediately that the news of my outburst and self harm had spread through the class, and, judging by some guilty expressions, they hadn't hesitated in broadening the knowledge further than the Drama studio walls.

I caught sight of Gwen still looking hurt and broken. I made my way over to her, and I could tell she'd been crying, too.

'I'm so sorry,' I sighed. 'I know I should've told you, but I thought I could handle myself on my own. Apparently not.'

'Merlin,' Gwen held my hand gently, 'I know. I know it's hard. But you've got to know I'll always be there for you.'

'Thank you.' I gave her a weak smile before feeling a firm hand on my shoulder. 'And thank you.' I glanced up at Arthur's angelic face. We'd only known each other properly for less than an hour, and I was already starting to feel closer to him than I had to anyone else I'd ever met, including my own mother.


	2. Encounter

I was dreading returning to school the next day. Dreading the judging stares, but dreading the pity even more. I could deal with people treating me like dirt, the homophobic comments, the occasional punch for staring at someone who didn't 'play for my team', per se. Yes, those I could deal with. But, pity? No. I hated the looks of despair. People constantly trying to sympathise with me when I knew they never could. Always trying to make sure I was ok.

Which was why, when my mother knocked on the door and yelled at me for not getting up, I simply picked up the blade on my bedside table.

I hadn't noticed my bedroom door open, so when I hear a low gasp, I looked up in shock. I expected to see my mum standing there, gaping, but, no, it was Arthur.

'What are you doing?' I snapped, instantly feeling guilty. But, let's be honest, I was _not_ a morning person.

'I knew you'd be reluctant to go back to school, so I decided to see if I could help you feel the strength to by giving you a pre-school pep talk. I didn't think you'd be harming _this _early in the morning.' Arthur looked distressed, so I threw the blade back into the cluttered bedside table.

'There. Happy?' I scowled.

'No, but then again, I should've known you wouldn't stop overnight. It took me ages to even find the strength to talk, even after everyone did find out.' Arthur sighed at his own stupidity.

'Well, I just felt like I could trust you. Hell of a lot of good that did me though. Now I've got you barging in on me at this ungodly hour of the morning. How did you even know where I lived?' I didn't want to make Arthur feel bad, but I could tell that was the way our conversation was headed anyway, so I decided I may as well go along with it. 'Stalker,' I added with a smirk.

'Actually, if you must know, I looked on the contact information page on my trainee teacher account for school.' Arthur was defensive, but I could see a sheepish smile creeping up on his lips.

'Well, your efforts are wasted,' I tried to be as stubborn as I could. 'I'm not going into school and being treated like a zoo animal on display. I went through it once; I'm NOT going through it again.'

'Oh? And when did you go through this before?' I could tell Arthur was genuinely curious, which made me blush a violent shade of red. How could I have been so stupid? I had assumed everyone knew about my sexuality, but, now that I thought about it, Arthur hadn't even been in school when I came out, so it made sense that he didn't know. It was common knowledge now, so I don't think anyone would've thought to mention it to him. Arthur, noticing my sudden colour change, raised one eyebrow questioningly.

'Never mind,' I mumbled. 'Now, if you don't mind, could you please leave.' It wasn't a request, it was a command. Of course, Arthur didn't seem to notice that.

'No.' I sat there, gaping at his short refusal. 'Not until I can convince you to get off your lazy arse and face your friends. They are still your friends, you know.'

'I'm pretty sure teachers can't swear in front of students.' I quipped, choosing to ignore his last point.

'Well, I'm hardly a teacher am I? And I doubt I will ever be one if the school finds out I've made a house call for something unrelated to school.'

'Your visit's hardly unrelated to school,' I began, 'it's just not directly related. You're still here because you want me to go to school which, last time I checked, had something to do with school.'

'Oh harhar very clever,' Arthur smirked sarcastically, but I could tell he was suppressing a real grin, which broke though moments later when I stuck my tongue out at him.

Then, my alarm, which I'd set on snooze for half an hour, went off again. 'Shit,' Arthur muttered, knowing he was going to be late to school, too, if we didn't get a move on. So, he hastened the pep talk, leaving out any time for banter. 'I know it's difficult because everyone knows, or at least that's what it feels like, but the longer you leave it, the worse it becomes. Trust me, when my friends found out, I wasn't in school for 2 weeks, and during that time, the rumour mill was working its magic. By the time I returned, people had thought I'd gone to rehab after getting caught in a drugs bust and was somewhere in the Middle East.' Arthur laughed sadistically, before continuing, 'I know it doesn't feel like it can get worse, but trust me,' he grimaced, 'it can. Now, I'll leave you to get dressed, and I'll meet you downstairs. Hunith has very kindly agreed to let me drive you to school as long as I can "get you out of this funk."' And with a quiet chuckle, he was gone, closing the door behind him.

I contemplated the issues. On one hand, I didn't want to go to school so soon, but on the other, being one of the victims to those vicious rumours was something I vowed I'd never be. Plus, it meant riding in Arthur's car, which was said to be one of those posh black soft top sports cars, which would definitely give me a little bit of a higher ground against all the judgment. So, I jumped quickly from my warm bed, ignoring the sudden cold of the hard wood floor against my bare feet, and threw on black skinnies and a white polo shirt with the school logo, a dragon, on it. Then, carefully, I pulled the black school jumper on over my head, clenching my jaw as the fabric aggressively scratched over my delicate new scrapes. Thick black socks and plain black Vans completed my look. I glanced in the mirror, checking myself over one last time, catching sight of my abominable hair. I blushed furiously at the thought of Arthur seeing it stick up in all directions like that and not tell me. I grabbed a comb off my dresser and scraped it through the knots until my hair had that smooth finesse I had every day. Why should my hair _not_ be perfect, just because I wasn't?

I stumbled clumsily into the adjacent bathroom and scrubbed my teeth vigorously. I grabbed my spray-on deodorant and applied it hastily as I staggered down the stairs into the kitchen. I glanced at Arthur, who was sitting patiently at the dinner table, before collecting the lunch money my mum had left me and the now-cold toast sitting on the white granite counters.

'Hunith had to leave for work,' Arthur began, but there was something in his voice, something that made my worry.

'You didn't tell her, did you?' I interrupted. Arthur nodded. 'WHAT?' I positively screamed, not caring that I would wake up the neighbours in the town house next to ours with my angry outburst. 'How could you do this? I trusted you! I thought you, of all people, would understand the dread I had of my mum finding out. Couldn't we have just dealt with my issues without her involvement? Great, now she's going to go around and tell all her gossipy little friends. As if it wasn't bad that the whole school knows, now you want the whole city to know, too?' I was on the verge of tears.

'Merlin,' Arthur said warily. 'Your mum's not like that. She cares. She deserves to know what her son's going through. She can help. Together we can help you. And do you really think she's going to tell all her friends about an important and devastating situation that her own son is going through? Have a little faith in me, Merlin. I know what I'm doing.' I grunted in disbelief. 'I really do. My mum helped me so much through this, even though she was dying of cancer. So, when she did…you know, 'Arthur swallowed, but then continued, 'I didn't hurt myself anymore, knowing it would dishonour her memory.'

'But, I don't need my mum.' Arthur looked like he wanted to add something else, so I explained, 'I have you.' We both blushed a little at the confession, but it soon passed, because Arthur, once again, immediately understood what I was saying, and counter argued with the extraordinarily valid point that now, I could get better twice as fast.

'I s'pose,' I mumbled, hating to admit it to myself that Arthur was right.

Arthur grinned that gorgeous triumphant grin of his, before checking his watch. 'Shit,' he swore for a second time that morning, and said, 'get your lazy arse in gear, or we really will be late.'

I was tempted to say, 'you really love my lazy arse, don't you?' after picking up on the fact that that was the second time this morning he'd mentioned it, but I decided against it. After all, he was nearly a teacher, obviously straight, and probably would never want anything to with me again if he knew I was gay. Not to mention that both Gwen and I had obsessed over his beauty and gorgeousness from the first day he'd arrived at our school. I quickly pushed all inappropriate thoughts of Arthur from my mind as he led the way to the front door, trying my very hardest not to marvel at how perfect his arse looked through those light-wash jeans.

Soon, we were pulling up to the school gates, students and teachers alike open-mouthed in awe at the flashy vehicle.

'I assume you normally drive in early to avoid this kind of attention?' I felt badly about putting Arthur in the spotlight, but, hey, he was the one who'd wanted to drive me in.

Arthur parked swiftly in his allotted space in the staff car park, and I hopped out, not sure what to think as the awed faces turned to judgmental ones to ones of complete pity. All I knew was that pit in my stomach I'd felt after announcing I was gay to the entire canteen last year when I was 15 was gradually returning. As were those feelings of total stupidity and hate for myself.

I'd made that announcement 6 months ago, and the cutting started 3 months later, when I couldn't take the glares of anger and disgust anymore. The cutting helped loads, because whenever someone gave me a 'look' after that, I could simply reassure myself that I was being punished for being gay in my own way, so I needn't worry about other people's punishments anymore.

But, now, just as people had started to accept that I was still, me, Merlin, I just didn't fancy Gwen like everyone thought I did, their views changed again. Now, I was Merlin, the kid who hurts himself for attention and wants the whole world to feel guilty for him. At least, that's what I heard a group of giggling Year 9 girls stage whisper as they walked past.

Why had I come into school? Why was I putting myself through all this again? The cutting would be harder to stop now, I knew. Because now, I felt I had to punish myself for cutting myself as well as for being gay, clumsy, and having a habit of producing word vomit wherever I went.

Of course, I couldn't tell Arthur that I was gay, and that it was the reason I'd started cutting; which also meant it would be harder for him to help he stop. Not that I cared.

I was starting to realise I much preferred being the gay kid of the school, and just that, with my self-harming habits buried deep within. But, now, I was the emo gay kid who, as the Year 10 boys who now walked past said none too quietly, wanted people to know so I'd finally get laid, even if it was out of pity. Because, according to them, that's how low I was.

Judging by Arthur's worried but impatient expression, I must've been frozen there like a deer in the headlights for quite some time. Luckily, he didn't pick up on the whispers, which confirmed my suspicions that only I was meant to hear the harsh words.

'You ok?' He asked, genuinely concerned about my well being. And at that moment, I couldn't have asked for anyone better to be by my side. In thanks to him being there, I decided I would brave the hate and stand strong, hoping I would make him proud in the process. I plastered a smile on my face, but I knew he could see the hurt in my eyes.

I was still mad for making me come to school, and telling my mum, and he knew it. But, before he could apologise again, a slender body tackled me from behind.

'Merlin!' Gwen all but shrieked. 'I'm so glad you came in. I didn't think you would, but I guess we have Arthur to thank for your holy presence.'

I was glad that Gwen was being her usual self around me; it was just what I needed. Gwen's bubbly smile lit up even more when I spun around and returned the embrace, grinning a proper grin for what felt like the first time in years. It hadn't escaped my attention that Gwen was winking at me and looking from Arthur to me and back to Arthur, but I ignored it. I didn't want Gwen to ruin Arthur's attitude towards me, most certainly not after we'd become so close so quickly.

Arthur seemed to notice the not-so-subtle looks Gwen was giving us, so he smiled awkwardly and my stomach did a little flip. I gasped. My stomach had _never_ flipped before. Not even for Lance, the most attractive boy in our year. I quickly covered for my shock by slapping Gwen on the arm and smirking shiftily back at Arthur.

The bell rang just as Arthur checked his watch nervously, and Gwen and I began to make our way to our mutual form room. I smiled back at Arthur, waving softly. But, he wasn't there. I turned around solemnly, only to be knocked back by a wall of muscle.

'Well well well,' sneered Valiant, the notorious school bully. 'What have we here? Our favourite little gay boy is so upset he can't help but put himself in pain. How sad.' He laughed manically, along with his leering cronies. 'You shouldn't have gone through the trouble of harming yourself, when we could've done it for you.' They were closing into a bully circle, and began pushing me around.

'Stay away from him!' Gwen cried.

'Ohh! Little gay boy's got himself a girlfriend. How ironic.' Mordred joined in. He was a year younger than us, but was tall, lean, and totally obnoxious, the perfect bully.

I felt the mocking would never end, and I found myself more concerned about Gwen and being late to class than I was about myself. I feared they had a point. If I'd just taken the abuse from them instead of abusing myself, none of this would be happening. Why couldn't I do anything right?

The pushing and shoving got rougher, more aggressive, and Gwen was standing on the outskirts of it all, with Mordred leering over her like the massive perv he was.

'Step away from them.' I looked up to see the authoritative figure of our head teacher, Mr. Gaius looming over the bullies. He then proceeded to write down every boy's name that was in the circle, and swore he would give them out-of-school suspension if it were to happen again; for now, it was 3 senior detentions per boy, 4 for Mordred and 5 for Valiant.

It wasn't a surprise that he didn't need to ask them for their names, as each and every one of them was in the head teacher's or head of year 11's office at least once every week; Mordred and Valiant, up to 4 times.

I was shaking as they stepped away, muttering curses and sending rude gestures my way, as though it was somehow my fault that they'd been caught doing something as stupid as forming a massive bully circle in the empty field.

Gwen ran over and hugged me tight; I could feel my jumper getting damp from her tears. Normally, it was just me they targeted, but, because Gwen was there, this time, they went for her too. And I felt guiltier than I ever had in my life for pulling her into such a traumatic experience.

I apologised the whole way to the head teacher's office, not wanting Gwen to hate me. She was all I had right now. Arthur didn't count at the moment. I hadn't forgotten the way he'd left without saying goodbye. The way he'd left me to be tormented by those horrible people. Now, I was certain I couldn't trust him with knowing I was gay. Especially because he'd probably tell my mum that, too.

I was still apologising and silently cursing Arthur when we made it to Mr. Gaius' office. To my dismay, Arthur was standing there already, looking like he was about to be sick. When he saw me, his expression changed to one of relief. He hugged me tightly, but I just let my arms dangle by my side, refusing to return any affection.

'Merlin? Are you ok?' My lack of warmth hadn't slipped under Arthur's radar.

_So he's not totally incompetent_, I thought snidely, giving him a cold glare before ripping myself from his embrace.

'Well, why don't we start from the beginning then, shall we?' Mr. Gaius, although he had managed to see a fight from the tiniest window in his office, could not feel the cold atmosphere that engulfed the room.

'Yea, ok,' came my response, totally ignoring Arthur's concern.

'What happened to instigate this?'

I looked at Gwen, and she nodded in encouragement. 'Well, sir. You see, a few months ago, I began to…' I swallowed, unable to finish my sentence.

'Self harm' Gwen cut in.

I smiled sadly in thanks before continuing. 'Yea, what Gwen said. Anyways, it was discovered during Drama class yesterday, and, well, you know how gossip spreads. So, today, loads of people have been whispering really harsh stuff, and Valiant must've heard about it, because he was pushing me around and saying stuff like, "you shouldn't have cut yourself, we can do that."' I heard a sharp gasp come from Arthur, but I chose to ignore it. I didn't even know why he was here.

'They also said stuff about you being g—'

'—Emo.' I interrupted Gwen, before casting her a sideways glance.

Thankfully, she picked up on it and added, 'greatly emo.'

The bell for our first lesson rang, and Mr. Gaius appeared to have written down everything he needed, because he dismissed us, muttering something about emailing our form tutor to inform her that Gwen and I were in school, so we didn't get in trouble.

I sighed in relief as soon as we escaped the clammy heat of the cramped office.

'Merlin! Merlin!' I turned around to see Arthur calling to me, and if I wasn't mistaken, which I rarely was, tears were forming in him eyes.

'Let's go,' I said to Gwen, choosing to ignore Arthur's desperately apologetic cries.

'But, Merlin…' Gwen didn't like ignoring people, or making them upset in any way. It was one of the things I loved about her, but not right now.

'I'm sorry Gwen, but he left me to be attacked, and I don't think I can deal with him anymore. Thinking he knows how I feel. Like my experience is anything like his! He's not gay! He doesn't know what it's like.' I hissed that last bit angrily.

Thankfully, Gwen's loyalties lay with me far before they lay with that arrogant prat, so she simply shrugged before we parted ways, going into classrooms on opposite sides of the corridor.


	3. Name

After the incident with Valiant on the field (news really does travel fast at this school), most people just ignored me, or at least didn't speak to me in a taunting way. They just sort of sat back and watched the new school emo go about his business. Some looked at me with that dreaded pity I feared so much, others impaling me with silent curiosity as to how someone could be so upset about life. But, upset wasn't even the right word. I would lean more towards 'depressed' or 'in agony'.

But, the day seemed to be improving, and I was grateful for Gwen's support. By the time the end of our 4th lesson came around, I had received what must've been 2 or 3 hugs an hour from her.

I was relieved that it was our 5th lesson, and soon, I would be back at home, under my warm blankets, with a blade at hand. Because, I'd decided sometime during English, which we had 3rd, that if I stopped the self harming, then I wouldn't have any emotions at all.

Because that's what self harming did for me; it showed me that I did have feelings. Albeit, those feelings were emotional and physical pain, and fear of what I'd become. But, still, they were feelings, and that was good enough for now.

'Hey! You ready for Drama?' Came the cheery voice of Gwen, running up to give me yet another hug.

'What?' I cried. 'I thought it was science last! Not Drama! No! I cannot deal with Arthur trying to talk to me right now!'

'Listen,' Gwen reasoned, 'I know it seems like he just abandoned you when Valiant was there, but, he was in Mr. Gaius' office, too, so maybe there's a reason.'

'More like an excuse,' I snorted, but, seeing the hurt on Gwen's face, I sighed, giving in. 'Ok.'

We chatted all the way to the Drama studio, almost like old times, Gwen with that sweet jovial smile plastered upon her face, ignoring my sad fake one. And that was how I liked it.

The first person I saw as we entered the Drama studio was, of course, Arthur. And, because both Gwen and I had been let out of out previous lesson early, we were the first students to arrive. Which seemed to please Arthur greatly.

'Merlin!' He grinned, then noticed my cold eyes, and added, 'can we talk?' He seemed to notice I was reluctant to have anything to do with him, because he walked over and pulled me gently aside by my arm and lowered his tone. 'Listen, I know I upset you, but I don't know why. Can we just go to Ms. LeFray's office and talk this through. I don't want to hurt you, I just want to help.'

I rolled my eyes as if to say, 'I don't really believe you.' But, I did want things to be better with us. Arthur _had _been extraordinarily helpful up until this morning, and now I was starting to wonder if just because I'd managed to cope with the day today I'd be able to cope with the rest of my life.

So, I allowed myself to be dragged outside the classroom by Arthur, receiving a few odd stares from the students now arriving.

'Merlin, I'm sorry.' He began. I snorted in disbelief. 'Seriously, I want to know what I've done wrong, and whatever it was, I know I'm sorry for it.'

'You_ actually_ don't know? First, you act all high and mighty, like you're the king of self-harm, thinking it's _your_ responsibility to "help" me. Then, when I finally let you, you go and tell my mum about everything. Not to mention, you left me to be the victim of Valiant and his cronies, without even saying goodbye before you balked.'

'It's not like that—'

'Oh really?' I interrupted, fuming.

'No, it's not. Firstly, I am not acting all high and mighty; I know I'm not the king of self-harm, whatever that is. But, yes, I _do_ feel it's my responsibility to help you, because I know what you're going through, so you can't use the excuse, "you don't know what it's like!" Because, I do know what it's like. I also self-harmed, but I got out of. And so can you.

'I had to tell your mother, too, because although you may not notice, she does care about you. And, when you were getting ready the morning, she asked me what was wrong with you. She does know something's different, even if you think she thinks you're fine. It was only right to tell a worried mother about the difficulties her son is having.

'Now, about that whole Valiant thing…I only left because I saw him coming. I knew if I interfered, he'd get lary at both of us. I don't have that sort of authority yet. So, I got the highest authority I could think of, as fast as I could; even though that meant not saying goodbye. And I'm sorry for that. But, the outcome would've been much worse had I taken the time to say goodbye and make sure you were ready for the day. I figured I could do that after I got Mr. Gaius' help. Ok?'

'Oh.' Was all I could say. 'I'm sorry.' I admitted after a long pause.

'Me too.' Arthur looked relieved, and it was all I could do not to collapse into his arms over that ridiculously brilliant smile.

'Prat,' I muttered as we exited the office, both grinning wildly. I hoped Arthur hadn't heard me, but he did.

'Idiot,' he fondly ruffled my hair, and, when I glared at him, quickly flattened it back down into its original style.

We reentered the Drama studio just as Ms. LeFray was finishing her pep talk with, 'don't forget, your exam's in a week. Do the best you can, and rehearse as much as you can. Now, begin.'

The rest of Drama passed quickly. We rehearsed our scenes thoroughly, and Arthur focused his attention solely on my group's work, claiming we needed the most help, due to a recent change in scenes.

It was total and complete bull shit, but it made me feel warm whenever he smiled at me as I performed, and I loved the fact that he was tuning everyone else out.

Whenever we finished a run through, he gave vague criticism and feedback to everyone else in my group, Gwaine, Lance, and Gwen; but, to me, he pretty much covered everything, down to the very finest incorrect blocking. And I loved him for it. He made me feel important, something I hadn't felt in what seemed like years.

Arthur decided to drive me back to my house, something about seeing my mother. I knew he wouldn't, because she was still at work, but I wasn't going to mention this. I loved this special treatment, and I was not about to pass it up just because of my mum's work schedule.

We drove along in comfortable silence, the radio playing 'Numb' by Linkin Park. _How ironic_, I thought to myself. The song described exactly how I felt, tired of being what everyone wanted me to be, a perfect boy with no troubles. And, now, I'd become so numb, I couldn't feel anyone there.

Except Arthur. He was always there, and it was impossible not to be affected by his warmth and strength and companionship.

I was trying to figure out how exactly Arthur had managed to survive and stop self-harming, but it seemed impossible for there to be any way to remove anyone from this deep dark hole of loneliness.

Finally, I simply decided to ask. 'Arthur?' I turned down the radio, which was now playing 'Boulevard of Broken Dreams'. He looked at me quickly before returning his eyes to the road. I took this as a sign to continue. 'How did you stop self-harming and go back to being normal?'

He looked a bit shocked, as if he hadn't expected me to want to know how to cure myself. I was a little hurt; of course I did.

Arthur got ever his surprise fairly quickly, and answered my question. 'Well, to be honest, I just did what I used to love to do, which was playing football and fencing. It helped me get my stress and hate out in a more productive way, and I found myself too busy to hurt myself at home. Also, my best friend, Leon, and my parents, and all our other friends decided it was best to avoid the subject of depression or self-harm in everyday conversations as much as we could. We only had a half an hour a day set aside to talk about my feelings. It really helped to think that people thought I was normal. But, we only started that after I started doing what I loved. What do you love to do?'

'Swim.' The response was automatic. I hadn't gone swimming in 3 months, though, afraid of people seeing my cuts. But, now, I supposed it didn't matter, as everyone knew already.

So, I decided that's what I would do. Swim. 'Hey Arthur? When we get to my house, can you wait outside so I can grab my swimming stuff and then maybe drive me to the pool?'

'All right, but only if we get to stop by my house, too, so I can grab my swimming equipment. Don't look so surprised, I'm not going to pass up on a chance to see you in your element.'

'So you don't think Drama is my "element"?'

Arthur turned a rosy shade of pink in what could only be embarrassment. He muttered something about assuming I preferred swimming before pulling over at the side of the road. I hadn't even noticed we had arrived at my house, so it took me a while to register what we were stopped for. Arthur coughed at looked at me expectantly.

'Oh. Right. We're here.' I stumbled none too gracefully from the car, and slammed the door shut. As soon as I let myself in, I ran around frantically, trying to find my swimming costume, towel, goggles, shampoo, conditioner, and gym bag. When I finally found everything and shoved it all in my gym bag, I ran back outside, excited to see Arthur's house.

I clambered back into the sleek black car and threw my blue bag into the back seat. 'Well,' I grinned expectantly. 'Let's see your house then.'

Arthur chuckled quietly and reversed back onto the road. The drive was surprisingly short. I hadn't realised how close he lived to me, and the thought that I could probably walk to his house if need be filled my stomach with those all-too-familiar butterflies.

His house was not like mine in the slightest, though. My house was a town house, with another house attached by one thin wall on either side.

Arthur's house wasn't. I didn't even see it until we drove round the curve of a long winding road; or, what I'd always thought was a road. It turns out the long creepy abandoned street I always walked past to go to the park was actually Arthur's driveway.

'Whoa,' I couldn't help myself from muttering. 'Are you like, the prince if something?'

'Don't be ridiculous,' Arthur chuckled, but I could tell he was proud of his wealth. 'My dad owns Pendragon's, though.'

'Wait! _You're_ Arthur Pendragon?' I was shocked. Everyone knew about Pendragon's. It had started off ages ago, when computers were just invented. Now, it was the leading computer, MP3 player, phone, and other electronics producer in the world.

Uther Pendragon, being the secretive snob he was, had never allowed pictures of his faceless son into any press. Ever.

So, if one were to Google 'Arthur Pendragon', they'd simply be greeted with multiple drawings and photo edits of what people thought Arthur Pendragon would look like.

I cursed myself for being so stupid. Arthur had always refused to let the students know his last name, claiming if other teachers could have their first names a secret, he could do that with his last name.

We'd all just brushed it off, because, well, it was Arthur. No one dared challenge him. He'd just compliment the challenger and be on his way, leaving the rebel in a daze because the fittest person possibly in the world had just smiled at him/her.

Arthur seemed to notice worry and confusion settling on my face, because he quickly said, 'Hey, this doesn't change anything. I still want to help you, and, well, be your friend. I'm still me. Just with a title.'

'Ok.' I knew I could've put up a fight about lying and misconception, but I found myself not wanting to hurt my guardian angel. Because that's what I'd started to think of him as recently, the angel who was sent from heaven to save me.

'I'll be right back,' he squeezed my shoulder sending sparks up and down my spine.

I sat in Arthur's car, chilling to The Killers and wondering how it had escaped my attention that Arthur, _my_ Arthur, was actually Arthur Pendragon.

All the signs pointed to my Arthur being the Arthur, but no one had picked up on it. Of course, some people joked about it, but the idea was quickly discarded, because, I mean, why would Arthur Pendragon work in a state school Drama program? So, I decided that when Arthur came back, I would ask him just that.

Arthur was quick to return, and just as quick to notice I was still slightly bothered. He touched my arm lightly, making the lingering butterflies in me flap up a storm. 'Hey, I know it's weird, but I promise, I'm still me.'

'I know. But, I was thinking. If you're Arthur Pendragon, the sole heir to Pendragon's, what are you doing working at a state school as an assistant Drama teacher? Surely you don't need to do that? You've got your entire the future planned out.'

'Exactly,' Arthur said as though I'd just answered my own question. 'I have this perfect future planned out in front of me, and I don't want it. I'd much rather be a teacher for secondary school, preferably Drama, which is why I'm teaching you. I've already told my father I don't want to work at Pendragon's and that my step-sister, Morgana, can replace me. I don't care if he disowns me…He'd probably disown me anyways if he find out.' Arthur muttered the last bit so quietly I decided it was just the radio, because it made no sense that Arthur would be disowned for doing anything.

'Oh. Ok.' I grinned. I was much happier now. It was reassuring that Arthur wasn't just messing around with us, and he genuinely wanted to be around our Drama class. Especially me.


	4. Magic

As soon as we pulled up into the Lake Avalon Swimming Complex car park, I hopped out of the car, barely able to contain my excitement. I missed swimming a lot; I couldn't wait to be gliding back through the chlorine-soaked waves.

'A little excited, aren't we?' Arthur smirked teasingly.

I laughed freely for the first time in what seemed like eternities, allowing the little dig to pass straight over me. It was a nice feeling, but it quickly passed when I saw Valiant striding over to the Swimming Complex doors. My stomach dropped and I wanted to be sick.

'Hey,' I felt a reassuring grip on my shoulder. 'He's probably going to go to the gym, not the pool, ok?'

'Yea, ok.' I knew Arthur was probably right, but still, seeing Valiant made me feel sick to my stomach, and I knew that wasn't good. I swallowed the bile rising up my throat, determined not to go bulimic as well as 'emo'.

I gave my membership card to Freya, the sweet young uni student at the front desk. 'I'm back.' I smiled, but I couldn't hide the melancholy eyes I bore.

'I see,' she returned my sad smile with a bright grin of her own. 'Enjoy!'

Arthur paid for himself, and we made our way into the communal changing room. I snagged 2 lockers close to the entrance the pool, and grabbed my bottoms and made my way to an empty changing cubicle. Arthur followed suit, grinning at me before I closed the door.

I changed in a hurry, suddenly desperate to feel the silky smooth cooling water on my skin.

Arthur finished changing and stepped out of his cubicle only a few seconds after me. I grinned nervously, suddenly very aware of the fact that everyone could see my angry red cuts.

I rubbed a hand up and down my arm awkwardly, hoping to remove my scratches. Of course, it did nothing except make the rest of my arm red, too.

I shuffled over to the pool entrance, breathing in deeply the strong aroma of chlorine that hung thickly in the air. I continued to walk towards the deep end, and found a free lane so I could swim at my own speed.

My toes curled around the edge of pool, semi-cold water lapping against them. And then, I dived gracefully into the clear blue waves, feeling the stress be ripped away from me as the water rippled over my skinny form.

I loved swimming, always have, always will. I guess you could say it made me feel magic. The way the water forced me to breathe rhythmically calmed me completely.

I loved to think of myself as the personification of water; calm and steady, still and reserved when left alone. But, throw a pebble on the surface, and it rips straight through the the centre. Knock the tranquil façade, and the entire aura is ruined.

Throw one insult at me, touch the water ever so slightly, and it moves with emotion. And, the more you upset it, the more it'll fight back with angry waves and furious splashes

I guess that's why I loved swimming so much. Swimming, the water and I were one. It sent a sense of magic and power pulsing through my veins as I propelled myself through the water.

I was vaguely aware of Arthur swimming behind me as I glided, loving the pattern I'd fallen back into so easily.

After not swimming for 3 months, I thought it would be far more difficult to keep up my stamina, but it wasn't until I had stopped and began to tread water and get my breathe back after a particularly speedy lap that I realised it was nearly pitch black outside. I checked my watch, and noticed I'd been swimming for an hour, which is quite a while to go swimming without stopping.

Glancing over at Arthur, it struck me that he was exhausted, but hadn't wanted to stop, possibly in fear of stopping me in my 'element' as he said. I felt a pang of guilt hit my heart as he pulled over to the wall, gasping for breath.

'We can go now, unless you want to keep going?' I smirked at the horror on Arthur's face as he thought of having to continue to strain himself to keep up with me.

'Gods, it was like the water was trying to hurt me for disturbing it.' Arthur said, unknowingly contributing to my infatuation of being one with the water.

I simply smiled as we clambered out, secretly yearning to be able to dive back in and swim for another thousand years.

But, I didn't want to talk advantage of Arthur's amiability, so I walked with him to the near-empty changing rooms, not talking, but reflecting upon my relaxing swim.

I happened to catch a glimpse of my arm as I reached into my locker to pull out my clothes, and saw it was bright red again, in very distinct sharp lines across the pruned flesh. I wanted to cry.

'Hey,' Arthur must've seen my forlorn expression, because he wrapped a comforting arm around my toweled shoulders.

'Do you think anyone noticed?' I was on the verge of tears.

'I think people were too mesmerized by your swimming, to be honest.' Arthur smiled sadly down at me, his plump lips shriveled from the chlorinated water and in a thick pout.

Gods, how much I just wanted to kiss that perfect mouth. Before I had a chance to make a fool of myself, however, I shook my head, clearing all inappropriate images of Arthur from my mind, and pulled myself away.

I changed hurriedly, wanting to get back to my house and scratch myself again for being so stupid as to allow people to see those horrid scars. I wanted to make myself feel the pain for being so ridiculously idiotic.

The relaxed sensation and calm, free state of mind I was in when I got out of the pool was completely gone now.

I was still shaking from the adrenaline rush, but it now felt more like the sort of adrenaline rush you get from running away from a monster, instead of the sort you get when you're overwhelmed with happiness.

Arthur noticed something was wrong as we made our way to his car. He stopped as grasped my shoulders gently, forcing me to look at him.

'I know it doesn't seem like it is getting better, but it will. I promise. You've just got to keep trying.' And then I was enveloped into his strong arms.

I'd been trying to hold the tears back, telling myself I wouldn't cry until I got home, but the sudden display of love from Arthur was too much. I let the tears fall unwillingly hoping he wouldn't mind wearing a tearstained t-shirt home.

'I'm sorry,' I sniffled. I really was. I didn't know why I was crying. I just was. There was nothing that had happened in the pool to make me upset yet here I was, blubbering like a child. And I hated myself for it. I had been so sure I was getting better. But, now, I wasn't so sure.

'It's ok,' Arthur stroked my damp chlorine-soaked hair, clearly knowing exactly what I was going through. It was comforting, to know that someone had once been exactly where I was and had managed to become such a wonderful person.

I offered him a watery grin before peeling myself from his grasp and clambering unsteadily into the car, wiping my downcast eyes as I went.

We drove along in amicable silence, smiling at each other occasionally. Arthur broke the silence after a few minutes with, 'so, now that we've done what you love, let's have a normal conversation.'

I was confused for a couple seconds, before remembering our previous decision that I'd try doing things I loved and not talk about my 'issues' and try to have actual conversations except for half an hour a day.

'Well, I'm not so sure I can have a real conversation with a Pendragon.' I snapped and then immediately blushed furiously, unsure of where the sudden outburst had come from. 'I'm sorry. I don't know why I said that.'

'It's ok. I know it's hard to deal with my awesomeness.'

Wow. He was really keen on keeping the conversation away from my pain. So, I decided to go along with it. That is, I was going to, until he decided to get too friendly too fast.

'So, I know you and Gwen are friends, but is there anything more?' He winked cheekily.

'No!' I was shocked. 'Gwen's my best friend, and that's all she'll ever be! Trust me.'

'Right, well, is there anyone special? How 'bout that girl, Vivian? She's actually quite a close family friend, so I can try to get you two together.'

Gods, was he a total idiot? But, I would_ not_ tell him I was gay. I would _not _have him turn against me.

'I don't fancy anyone, ok?' I growled. 'And even if I did, I would most certainly never tell you.'

The rest of the car ride was spent in confused silence. I could tell Arthur had no idea why I was so upset, and I had no intention of telling him.

When we pulled up outside my house, I grabbed my gym bag and swiftly exited Arthur's car without as much as a good bye. I fumbled in my bag for my house keys, and let myself into the house.

As soon as I heard Arthur's car screech away, I burst into tears. I slid my back down the wall and sat in the hall, tears pouring down my face for what felt like the millionth time in the past two days.


	5. Gay

The next day was one from Hell. I was fully intent on avoiding and ignoring Arthur all day, and it helped that I didn't have Drama.

The first 3 lessons of the day went by agonisingly slowly. All the information seemed to be going in one ear and out the other. So, instead, I began to think what life would've been like had I met Arthur under different circumstances. Would he be gay? Would he like me, too? If not, could we genuinely be friends, instead of this forced bond?

When the bell rang for lunch, I snatched my shoulder bag and, tripping over quite a few table legs on the way, practically ran from the classroom.

I sat on the bench round the back of the school, where Gwen and I normally ate, waiting. It was nice there; no one could see us, or hear us. We could just talk and be ourselves for once

The familiar bouncing curls of her hair came into view, and then, as though she'd been stopped and pulled away, the ringlets were gone.

'Shit,' I muttered. How stupid was I to think she was safe from Valiant's gang. I was obviously, because if they went near me again, they'd be excluded. But, not Gwen. Sweet innocent Gwen was now in their clutches.

Running as fast as I could, or rather, stumbling, seeing as I had an inability to do anything smoothly, I saw a flash of pink in the maintenance closet, obviously from her bag, and then the door shut behind her.

I ran up to the barrier between us, and tried the door handle; it was locked. Gwen, the one person who was there for me, even when it meant hurting herself, was locked in a closet with Valiant or someone from that gang of bullies.

I was about to run and get Mr. Gaius, when I heard talking from behind the door. It wasn't just any voice either; it was Arthur. What was he doing with Gwen? I knew it couldn't be too bad, so I stayed and leant my ear against the thankfully thin-wooded door.

'…I'm not too sure he'd want me to say.' Gwen's voice came, slightly muffled and a little shaky.

'Please,' Arthur this time. 'I need to know if there's a way I can put someone special in his life. He's so lonely.'

'I take offence to that! I am his best friend and I would never let him be "lonely".'

So, they were talking about me. Why was Arthur so insistent on making my life a living Hell? First he asks me who I fancy, not letting the subject drop; and now, he's pestering Gwen as well.

I was tempted to pound on the door and start yelling at them, but I really wanted to hear how the conversation would finish.

'Gwen! I just want to help him feel loved.'

'Fine! I'll tell you, but I swear to God, if you tell him I told you, I will turn you in for associating with students outside school.'

'Ok…'

'He's…gay. But, he doesn't fancy anyone, as far as I know'

I gasped. How could she? How could Gwen, the one person I trusted, turn against me like that?

I don't remember much else after that. I know I ran. I ran so far away from everyone and everything. I ran out the school gates and through the throng of trees opposite. I ran, tripping over roots and dead branches, until I came across a rotting log on top of which I collapsed and sobbed.

I sobbed about the betrayal from Gwen. I sobbed about Arthur being a nosy prick. But, most of all, I sobbed because there was no way Arthur would ever speak to me now.


	6. Argument

I don't know how long I was sat there, crying my heart out. But, by the time I lifted my head form the now-soaking school jumper, light was beginning to fade from the sky.

'Great' I muttered to myself. 'Just fucking great.' I'd missed the end of school, which, no doubt, meant my mother would be receiving a phone call at work any minute now. Which, in turn, meant she'd be getting home early, and we'd be having one of our 'over dinner talks' in about an hour's time. 'Just fucking great.'

Gwen didn't know I'd eaves dropped, either, which meant that she'd be worried sick over my unexpected disappearance. As would, I realised belatedly, Arthur.

And, as angry as I was at Gwen for spilling to Arthur my sexual preferences, I had never specifically told her not to tell him and I had most certainly never given her a valid reason.

Besides, she was the best friend I could ask for; she really didn't deserve the sick worry I knew she would be feeling now.

Without a second thought, I reached into my pocket and pulled out my Nokia brick, already dialing her home number automatically.

'Hello?' A gruff but kind voice answered.

'Oh, hi, Tom. It's Merlin. Is Gwen there please?' I oozed sweetly. Tom was Gwen's father and had always been wonderful to me. He never judged Gwen for having a male best friend, and was always willing to let me into their home.

'Oh, yes. She's very upset, you know. But, she won't tell me what about. Perhaps you can talk some sense into her?' I heard the phone being passed from one hand to another, relieved that Gwen hadn't told her father about my issues.

'Hello?' Gwen's tear-clogged voice came through the receiver.

'Oh, Gwen,' I babbled. 'I'm so sorry for not being in school earlier, I was in the woods out back. It's just I heard what you said to Arthur and I was really upset but I'm okay now because I knew you were just doing what you thought was best and I'm so sorry because I know you were worried please forgive me.' It came out as one extraordinarily rushed sentence, but, luckily, Gwen was not my best friend for nothing.

'Oh Merlin,' she audibly sighed and giggled breathlessly. 'I was going to ask you to forgive me. I'm sorry I told Arthur. I knew I shouldn't have done it as soon as I saw you weren't in English, and I thought you must have heard and ran off, but I was still so worried because I thought maybe you had been snatched by Valiant's gang or something.'

'No, I'm fine. I really don't blame you. I should've told you I didn't want Arthur to know. You are honestly the best friend I could have ever asked for. Now, I really have to go so that there's a slightly smaller chance my mother won't burn me at the stake when I get home. Imagine what she would do if I missed dinner!'

Gwen laughed with a mixture of understanding at my mother's 'you must always be home for dinner' rule and sheer joy that I was okay.

'Bye, Merlin,' I could practically hear her smile. 'I'll see you tomorrow, yea?'

'You know it! I'd never miss Friday; it's fish and chips day at the canteen!'

I hung up the phone and shoved the indestructible electronic piece of shit into my school bag before hastily swinging it over my shoulder and removing myself, none too gracefully, from the woods I had been sobbing in.

The walk home seemed to be much shorter than usual; probably because I wasn't constantly crossing the road in order to avoid various bullies.

By the time I shoved my key into the key hole on the obnoxiously red door, it was nearly dark out.

I glanced down at my watch just to double check I hadn't missed dinner. 6.39. _Perfect_, I thought. I shut the door and spun into the kitchen just as my watch hit the hour.

'I'm not late,' I sang to my mother as I reached into a cupboard for 2 glasses and filled them up from the tap.

'No, but you almost were,' she replied sternly, setting a homemade veggie lasagna on the table and slicing into neat sections.

_Shit_, I swore to myself. Veggie lasagna was _not_ a normal meal. Veggie lasagna was a 'the family's coming over and we need to look presentable meal' or a 'we need to talk about something serious' meal. I honestly didn't know which one was worse.

'Now, Merlin,' she began. So it was the latter we were facing. Good to know. 'I know you're a teenager and that means you don't want to talk to me about a lot of what you're going through, but I was a teenager once, too. I know what it's like to have to face a lot of decisions and bullies and peer pressure. But, I want you to know that I'm here if you ever want to talk.'

'Cool,' I replied, shoveling a courgette into my mouth. She hadn't specifically called me out on anything yet. Why should I help her out?

'Please don't pretend you don't know what I'm talking about,' she sighed, almost disappointed. And, Gods did that sting. 'I know you've been cutting. I just want to help you and do what I can to make you happy again.'

'Who says I'm not happy?' I snapped, angrily. 'Who says that I just don't like blood? What gives _you_ the right to snoop into _my_ business and say you know what it's like to be me, when clearly, you don't?' With that, I pushed my chair away from the table and stalked out the kitchen, slamming the door behind me and storming up to my room.

I had been lying in my room for quite some time when I heard the doorbell ring downstairs. The whole time, I had been reading 'Gregor the Overlander' by Suzanne Collins, and trying my hardest not to look at the shiny blade next to my reading lamp. The metal edge seemed to be glaring up at my, winking invitingly in the low light.

But, I had managed to ignore it, for the most part. My hands were itching to reach down and grab the weapon, but every time I made a move to do so, Arthur's gentle face flashed into the forefront of my mind.

Gods, infatuation sucked.

A knock on my bedroom door startled me, but I kept reading. Gregor was about to find his father and Suzanne Collins was very good at the whole 'suspenseful writing' thing.

Unfortunately, thanks to my need for Gregor to find his father, I had no replied to the knocker, and he had taken the liberty on himself to open my door.

'Arthur?' I looked up to see the blond grinning at me as though he was doing everything in his power not to hug me right there in front of my mother.

'Merlin! Thank God you're all right,' he exclaimed. My mother, thankfully, deemed I was safe in the hands of Arthur Pendragon and made her way back down the creaky stairs.

I was determined not to mention that I'd heard his interrogation of Gwen earlier; I wanted him to confess on his own.

'Hi, Arthur,' I gave him a weak, but not forced, smile, and placed down the paperback book.

'So I talked to Gwen earlier,' he began.

'Oh?' I figured it would probably be worth them talking behind my back just to watch Arthur admit to pestering my best friend. Unfortunately, he had other ideas.

'Yea, she wanted to help you, too. Anyway, she seems to think there's a special someone in your life, but she didn't know who. I told her I'd get it out of you though.'

'Oh?' I repeated, this time more quietly, trying to shrink into myself.

'So, is it Vivian? You know, she's very pretty. And you two would look great together.'

So _this_ is how he was going to play. Manipulative Mr. Pendragon was going to force a confession out of me by acting as though he was 100% innocent. Stupid. Fucking. Prat.

'Ohh, it's that other girl isn't it? The one from the pool? Freya, was it? No, no, that can't be right, she was too shy. You need someone loud…Ah! I know who it is! Sophia! She's perfect for you. Gentle and sweet but can put up a fight if she needs to. A little bit feisty, may I add.'

To me, the way Arthur was describing Sophia, it sounded like he was writing an autobiography.

'Wait! Don't tell me it actually _is_ Gwen after all?'

That did it. No one, and I mean _no_ _one_, said I fancied Gwen and got away without the truth. Not even arrogant but gentle, not to mention extremely handsome, prats.

'Shut it, Princess!' I cried. 'I'm gay. But you already knew that. Now, get out.' I gritted my teeth as I shoved the tower of tanned muscles out of my room and threw the door shut in his face.

I collapsed onto my bed, screaming silently into the pillows. I flicked the lamp off before curling into a ball and crying myself to sleep. Not even Gregor's father was worth staying up to hear about now.

I just wanted to sink into the Earth and never ever come back.


End file.
